Trophies - Successfully complete one of the following tasks to get a trophy:

It's HAZARD TIME! (Bronze): Start your first game. "Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. --Sincerely, Matt Hazard"
Take 5. (Bronze): Pause the game for the first time. "Hey...come back here and play!"
Straight-A Student (Bronze): Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..."
Hands-On Approach (Bronze): Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!"
Eat FIST! (Bronze): Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife."
Headache (Bronze): Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest."
Migraine (Bronze): Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!"
Plink (Bronze): Kill 50 enemies with the Hazard pistol. "Frag you."
Pull! (Bronze): Kill 50 enemies with the shotgun. "That was a blast!"
Auto Dealer (Bronze): Kill 50 enemies with the sub-machinegun. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?"
Russian Attack (Bronze): Kill 50 enemies with the AK-47. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun."
Peekaboo...I Shot You! (Bronze): Kill 50 enemies with the Sniper Rifle. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon."
Blind Luck (Bronze): Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there."
Second Amendment (Bronze): Kill at least one enemy with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..."
Say "No" to Pots (Bronze): Shoot 30 potted plants. "Look at 'em. Just sittin' there, bein' all green and stuff. They were askin' for it!"
Fire Hazard (Bronze): Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. "Extinguishers. They're not just for fires anymore."
Uncovered (Bronze): Destroy 20 destructible cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!"
Boom (Bronze): Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?"
No Pain, No Gain (Bronze): Kill an enemy with an explosive that also damages you. "That's gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. Well...maybe not quite as much."
Maxx Karnage (Bronze): Collect 20 Hazard pickups. "Maxx Karnage...sounds like a cool action hero name."
Shield Master (Bronze): Collect 20 Master Shield pickups. "It's not like I was afraid of dying...I just wanted the trophy!"
Hazard Avoider (Bronze): Complete the game on the Minor Hazard difficulty setting. "Sure you won...my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'"
Feeling Punchy (Silver): Defeat five enemies in a row using melee combat. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying."
Head of the Class (Silver): Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late."
Better Than One (Silver): Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!"
Just a Flesh Wound (Silver): Complete a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level...and you're not one of them."
Pseudo-Hazard (Silver): Complete the game on the Major Hazard difficulty setting. "Well...at least you didn't have it set to 'Easy...'"
...Where Credit is Due (Silver): Watch the credits from beginning to end. "Hey...aren't they the guys who made Dead Head Fred?"
Hazard Master (Gold): Complete the game on the Maximum Hazard difficulty setting. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
King of Hazard Land! (Platinum): Earn all Trophies in the game. "You. Are. The. MAN! (Unless you are a lady. In which case, I apologize.)"

Additionally, there are 21 secret trophies:

Multiplayer Master! (Bronze): "What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the trophy back NOW..."
Disco is Dead (Bronze): Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"
Stung (Bronze): Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."
Head Cheese (Bronze): Kill all enemies in the butcher shop with head shots. "Nice shooting! But it's not like you're PAYING for that ammo. Feel free to use more."
Meat Your Maker (Bronze): Destroy all of the meat in the Level 2 meat locker. "Have a beef with the owner? Steaking your claim? Beating your...hey, I can go on all day."
Draw (Bronze): Kill 50 enemies with the Dual-Wield Six-Shooters. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."
Bedlam Basher (Bronze): Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."
Dances With Guns (Bronze): Complete both nightclub encounters without any of the dance-bots being destroyed. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"
Russian to the Finish (Bronze): Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."
Deja-Vu (Bronze): Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."
Death Hazard (Bronze): Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"
Housing Crisis (Bronze): Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"
Pure Energy (Bronze): Kill 50 enemies with the Energy Pistol. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"
Well, I Heard Them Scream (Bronze): Kill 50 enemies with the Plasma Rifle. "Plasma Rifles--they're not just for Space Marines anymore."
Your Turn (Bronze): Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."
Talk! (Bronze): "What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the trophy."
Observe the Grenade (Bronze): Kill 3 Tester employees with a single shot from the grenade launcher. "Test the grenades: check!"
Tramm Ride (Bronze): Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tenticles."
Deja-Vu (All Over Again) (Bronze): Defeat Sting Sniperscope yet AGAIN on Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!"
Beat the Snot out of Wellesley with My Bare Hands (Bronze): Defeat Wally Wellesley in the final boss battle. "Like I said..."
Meet Quentin. (Bronze): Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"